Called to Be

Following a calling is not always easy. However, it will feel like the most natural thing you were ever made to do. Today, as I sat on the floor of the code room with other nurses, holding, crying with and praying over the family of a 45 year old husband, father, son, nephew, brother who had just left us all for what I hope is a more joyous place, I realized how much I love what I have been called to do. Yes, nursing is a calling. It's definitely not everyone's cup of tea or career of choice. It's not easy watching people leave their loved ones. It's not easy trying to explain a life-changing diagnosis, or telling someone that they will have to spend Christmas in the hospital. During this season of what is for most people full of joy and peace, I get to see people through what could possibly be the worst day of their life. And yes, that perspective changes things. It gives me a heart filled with compassion and gratitude, and no, I wouldn't trade it for anything. After my first week as an ER nurse, I can honestly say that I believe I have been equipped with all I need to do what I possibly can to change and save lives. I may not see it quite clearly right now, but I can certainly believe it. My life's path mirrors my decision to follow Jesus - once I have made a step, there is no turning back, there is only pressing forward. And thanks be to God, it's not something I have to do alone. Everyone is called to something, and it may not always look as simple or as clear as a lifelong career, but we are all given a chance to live for something bigger than ourselves. May your Christmas be full of grace and gratitude, of love and peace as you ponder on this thought and remember the One who gave it all, called to save the whole world by laying down His own life for us. Shalom.

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. 
- Luke 2:14

Ellerslie - a year later...

A year ago, I got on a plane and flew out to lovely Colorado, to a place I had never been to but had dreamed of seeing for myself. I had no idea what to expect, but expectations were high nonetheless. I think that back then, I was seeking personal gain from the experience, and looking back, I desperately wish I could do it all over again. Nine weeks was not enough to come to a state of complete surrender. Nor is a year enough. But it was a start, even if done in foolishness and complete misunderstanding. The humbling experiences that followed can only be attributed to God's grace and mercy shown to me, as the walls of pride and selfishness slowly start to come down and break into a million pieces. It's not an easy process, as it exposes a bare, vulnerable soul that has nothing to boast it and nothing to lay claim to. Save one thing - Christ. The exposure may lead to shame, but at the same time it reveals a vision so perfect and lovely that one begins to hurry the process along, in hopes of one day seeing the fullness of His glory. It is a vision of a Person, one so glorious, so full of light, so just and merciful and altogether lovely that in gazing at such a vision from the lips escapes only a trembling Holy, Holy, Holy...

A year ago today, I set off to a distant land to see if there was such a thing as holy still left in our tarnished world, and I found Him who my soul loves. Even if it was but a small glimpse of what is to come, it was enough to get me on my feet running for the prize. Though currently, I find that running involves mostly sitting and waiting on the Lord. Which can be frustrating sometimes, admittedly, but if it means that I can get one inch closer to Him, I would do it for eternity. These are all things I started to understand at Ellerslie, but didn't fully grasp until I came back to the testing ground, to a place I had jokingly called the desert before, but has quickly become in reality a place where my faith is constantly being tested as I march on toward the Promise Land. To be honest, I am weary, and often dream of picking myself up and taking the first available flight back to Colorado. This is a real desire. But I know that in order to keep on decreasing I must stay right where I am, at least for now. 

I am surprised by this expression of thought right now, because ever since I came back, I have not been able to articulate anything that makes any sort of sense about my experiences and lessons learned. Everything I have learned in the past year has for the most part stayed inside of me and I have not been able to express it coherently. It seems like where explanation is most needed, I am least able to talk. I have no idea why the Lord has chosen to bridle my tongue in this way, but perhaps it is for the best. I have done a lot of listening in the past year, and it has been good for me, like a good dose of medicine for a sick heart. That is why I am only now speaking out about Ellerslie, a whole year later.

A year later, I am slowly learning to depend on Christ's daily mercy and grace for my sustenance. Outside of Him, I am but dusk picked up and carried off by all sorts of troublesome winds, but within Him, I find peace. A resting place for this weary soul. A fountain of living water for these dry bones. Something important I've learned since coming back is that God's faithful are everywhere, and I cannot be more thankful that He does not leave us stumbling across the desert alone. For some reason, coming back from Ellerslie, I though that I would never find that same kind of fellowship ever again. But He has been so gracious to open my eyes to those around me that are that are traveling along the same narrow road with the same precious Prize on their mind. One goal. One life. And we are suddenly united, where before we would have never even known each other. Drawn together like magnets. And what a beautiful, uplifting fellowship it is! I praise God every day for all these blessings I do not deserve. He is forever faithful and His Love knows no end. I will praise you Lord! Thank you! Thank you for another year, another step closer - filled with tears, laughter, joy, sadness, love, trials, peace, and an opportunity to take advantage of my position "in Christ." 

Read this! June 15 - Take up your Cross, and Follow Me

Please pray for me and let me know if I can pray for you in any way. I am hosting a Set Apart Girl Conference simulcast here in Virginia this next week. Please pray that it would be a blessing to everyone who attends that that those who need to hear a particular message would be there to hear it and let Jesus do the rest!

A Hymn of Consecration

Live out Thy life within me, O Jesus, King of kings!

Be Thou Thyself the answer To all my questionings;

Live out Thy life within me, In all things have Thy way!

I, the transparent medium Thy glory to display.

The temple has been yielded, And purified of sin;

Let Thy Shekinah glory Now shine forth from within,

And all the earth keep silence, The body henceforth be

Thy silent, gentle servant, Moved only as by Thee.

Its members every moment Held subject to Thy call,

Ready to have Thee use them, Or not be used at all;

Held without restless longing, Or strain, or stress, or fret

Or chafings at Thy dealings, Or thoughts of vain regret.

But restful, calm, and pliant, From bend and bias free,

Awaiting Thy decision, When Thou hast need of me.

Live out Thy life within me, O Jesus, King of kings!

Be Thou the glorious answer To all my questionings.

Words by Francis Ridley Havergal

Learning Jesus

Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:29)

The great business of Christians is to learn Christ. This is not just a subject to study. I want to ask you: What is the greatest desire in your life? I wonder if it is the same as mine! The greatest desire in my heart – and the longer I live the stronger it grows – is to understand the Lord Jesus. There is so much that I do not understand about Him. I am always coming up against problems about Him, and they are not intellectual problems at all, but spiritual ones: problems of the heart. Why did the Lord Jesus say and do certain things? Why is He dealing with me as He is? He is always too deep for me, and I want to understand Him. It is the most important thing in life to understand the Lord Jesus. Well, we are here that He may bring us to some better understanding of Himself. The material of the Word will not be new – it will be old and well-known Scripture. Perhaps we think that we know the Gospel by John very well. Well, you may, but I do not. I am discovering that this Gospel contains deeper truth and value than I know anything about....

The one business of disciples is to know Him, and to do what He called His disciples to do: "Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me" (Matthew 11:29). Jesus came to bring heavenly knowledge in His own person, and in His person we come into heavenly knowledge. It is not just what He says: it is what He says He is. Every true teacher is not one who says a lot of things, but one who, when he says things, gives something of himself.

By T. Austin-Sparks from: Discipleship In The School Of Christ - Chapter 1 

Stillness

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”  - Psalm 46:10

"You shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand you still, and see the salvation of the LORD with you, O Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them: for the LORD will be with you."  

- 2 Chronicles 20:17

"Fear not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will show to you to day… The LORD shall fight for you, and you shall hold your peace."  

- Exodus 14:13-14

"Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still."  - Psalm 4:4

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint." -  Isaiah 40:31

"Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way…"  - Psalm 37:7

Blessed are...

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.  Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.  Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.  Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.  Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.  Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.  Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.  Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven..." - Jesus (Matthew 5:3-11)

 * * *

The above passage and hymn have recently convicted me in the fact that I am prone to put trust in myself more than God. So often, we tend to put our hope in human self-efforts and turn to the Lord when those go awry, but the Gospel teaches us a different way of approaching life. Jesus says, blessed are the POOR in SPIRIT. Blessed are those who rely on Christ and Christ alone to keep on going. Blessed are the destitute, for they shall receive the riches of the Kingdom, far surpassing anything we could ever ask or even think to ask for! Blessed are those who live life in a way that says, "I am nothing of myself, but Christ to me is everything I could ever need." Perish every fond ambition! All I've sought or hoped or known!

I say, "I am poor, Lord! I know that I can do nothing without you! I need You!" And I sing the hymn over and convince myself that all is good, and that my full assurance rests in the Lord my God, and that I am well on my way to inheriting the kingdom of heaven. But do I live out what I believe? Do I even believe what I say? James says in the second chapter of his epistle that faith without works is dead. DEAD. Not living. I tremble at the thought that my actions often do not reflect that which I say I believe. You know, I sit here and think, if I were truly carrying my cross, I doubt that I would even be able to lift it, let alone carry it. Yet I give off the impression that I carry it, meanwhile employing sneaky methods to make it seem like I am just so good at this whole Christianity thing. If I were truly doing what I say I am doing, I would be on the ground by now, weak and helpless, and Jesus would be helping me limp along, bearing most of the weight of my cross. If I were truly poor in spirit, I would be totally surrendered to the fact that I cannot make a single decision on my own without asking Jesus to help me make it, and I would be waking up every morning, knowing that if I don't come to Jesus there and then, I cannot make it though the day. If I were POOR, I would have nothing to BOAST in, save Jesus and Him crucified - and what is that but foolishness to the world around me? I would be complete and utter foolishness for Christ… 

And yet, I continue to live as if I've got wealth to share. Oh, and my ambitions are very good, and I strive to do what's best. My best, however, is still the worst compared to all the righteousness and perfection of my Lord. Corrie ten Boom said it well: "The foolishness of God is the greatest wisdom." I could reverse that and say: "My greatest wisdom is absolute foolishness." That statement could be interpreted in two ways and still be true…

* * *

Jesus, I my cross have taken,
All to leave and follow Thee;
Destitute, despised, forsaken,
Thou, from hence, my all shalt be.
Perish every fond ambition,
All I’ve sought, and hoped, and known;
Yet how rich is my condition,
God and Christ are still my own!

Gold Cord Part II ~ Poems by Amy Carmichael

Lord Jesus, Intercessor,

Oh, teach us how to pray:

Not wave-like, rising, falling,

In fitful clouds of spray.

The mighty tides of ocean

A deeper secret know,

Their currents undefeated move

Whatever winds may blow.

Lord Jesus, Intercessor,

Creator of the sea,

Teach us the tides' great secret

Of quiet urgency.

Spindrift of words we ask not,

But, Lord, we seek to know

The conquering patience of the tides

Whatever winds may blow.

* * *

Think through me, thoughts of God,


My Father, quiet me,


Till in Thy holy presence, hushed,


I think Thy thoughts with Thee.


Think through me, thoughts of God,


That always, everywhere,


The stream that through my being flows,


May homeward pass in prayer.


Think through me, thoughts of God,


And let my own thoughts be


Lost like the sand-pools on the shore


Of the eternal sea.

* * * 

"Have I been so long time with thee

And yet hast thou not known Me?"

"O my Master, I have known Thee 

On the roads of Galilee."

"Have I been so long time with thee

On the rods of Galilee,

Yet, My child, hast thou not known Me

Walking on the tossing sea?"

"O my Master, I have known Thee

On the roads and on the sea."

"Wherefore then hast thou not known Me

Broken in Gethsemane?

"I would have thee follow, know Me

Thorn-crowned, nailed upon the Tree

Canst thou follow, wilt thou know Me,

All the way to Calvary?"

* * * 

From prayer that asks that I may be

Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,

From fearing when I should aspire,

From faltering when I should climb higher

From silken self, O Captain, free

Thy soldier who would follow Thee.

From subtle love of softening things,

From easy choices, weakenings,

(Not thus are spirits fortified,

Not this way went the Crucified)

From all that dims Thy Calvary

O Lamb of God, deliver me.

Give me the love that leads the way,

The faith that nothing can dismay

The hope no disappointments tire,

The passion that will burn like fire;

Let me not sink to be a clod;

Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.

Not I, but Christ

I recently discovered a most beautiful hymn written by an Ada Whiddington in the late 19th century, titled "Not I, but Christ." It reminds me so much of Galatians 2:20, which has been one of my favorite passages of Scripture ever since I became a follower of Jesus a few years ago. I just invite you to take these lyrics and bask in their richness, it's such a beautiful cry for our souls to have…

Not I, but Christ be honored, loved, exalted,

Not I, but Christ be seen, be known and heard;

Not I, but Christ in every look and action,

Not I, but Christ in every thought and word.

Oh, to be saved from myself, dear Lord,

  Oh, to be lost in Thee,

Oh, that it may be no more I,

    But Christ that lives in me.

Not I, but Christ to gently soothe in sorrow,

Not I, but Christ to wipe the falling tear;

Not I, but Christ to lift the weary burden,

Not I, but Christ to hush away all fear.

Christ, only Christ, no idle word e’er falling,

Christ, only Christ, no needless bustling sound;

Christ, only Christ, no self-important bearing,

Christ, only Christ, no trace of I be found.

Not I, but Christ my every need supplying,

Not I, but Christ my strength and health to be;

Christ, only Christ, for spirit, soul, and body,

Christ, only Christ, live then Thy life in me.

Christ, only Christ, ere long will fill my vision,

Glory excelling soon, full soon I’ll see;

Christ, only Christ, my every wish fulfilling,

Christ, only Christ, my all in all to be.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 

Galatians 2:20