Ellerslie - a year later...

A year ago, I got on a plane and flew out to lovely Colorado, to a place I had never been to but had dreamed of seeing for myself. I had no idea what to expect, but expectations were high nonetheless. I think that back then, I was seeking personal gain from the experience, and looking back, I desperately wish I could do it all over again. Nine weeks was not enough to come to a state of complete surrender. Nor is a year enough. But it was a start, even if done in foolishness and complete misunderstanding. The humbling experiences that followed can only be attributed to God's grace and mercy shown to me, as the walls of pride and selfishness slowly start to come down and break into a million pieces. It's not an easy process, as it exposes a bare, vulnerable soul that has nothing to boast it and nothing to lay claim to. Save one thing - Christ. The exposure may lead to shame, but at the same time it reveals a vision so perfect and lovely that one begins to hurry the process along, in hopes of one day seeing the fullness of His glory. It is a vision of a Person, one so glorious, so full of light, so just and merciful and altogether lovely that in gazing at such a vision from the lips escapes only a trembling Holy, Holy, Holy...

A year ago today, I set off to a distant land to see if there was such a thing as holy still left in our tarnished world, and I found Him who my soul loves. Even if it was but a small glimpse of what is to come, it was enough to get me on my feet running for the prize. Though currently, I find that running involves mostly sitting and waiting on the Lord. Which can be frustrating sometimes, admittedly, but if it means that I can get one inch closer to Him, I would do it for eternity. These are all things I started to understand at Ellerslie, but didn't fully grasp until I came back to the testing ground, to a place I had jokingly called the desert before, but has quickly become in reality a place where my faith is constantly being tested as I march on toward the Promise Land. To be honest, I am weary, and often dream of picking myself up and taking the first available flight back to Colorado. This is a real desire. But I know that in order to keep on decreasing I must stay right where I am, at least for now. 

I am surprised by this expression of thought right now, because ever since I came back, I have not been able to articulate anything that makes any sort of sense about my experiences and lessons learned. Everything I have learned in the past year has for the most part stayed inside of me and I have not been able to express it coherently. It seems like where explanation is most needed, I am least able to talk. I have no idea why the Lord has chosen to bridle my tongue in this way, but perhaps it is for the best. I have done a lot of listening in the past year, and it has been good for me, like a good dose of medicine for a sick heart. That is why I am only now speaking out about Ellerslie, a whole year later.

A year later, I am slowly learning to depend on Christ's daily mercy and grace for my sustenance. Outside of Him, I am but dusk picked up and carried off by all sorts of troublesome winds, but within Him, I find peace. A resting place for this weary soul. A fountain of living water for these dry bones. Something important I've learned since coming back is that God's faithful are everywhere, and I cannot be more thankful that He does not leave us stumbling across the desert alone. For some reason, coming back from Ellerslie, I though that I would never find that same kind of fellowship ever again. But He has been so gracious to open my eyes to those around me that are that are traveling along the same narrow road with the same precious Prize on their mind. One goal. One life. And we are suddenly united, where before we would have never even known each other. Drawn together like magnets. And what a beautiful, uplifting fellowship it is! I praise God every day for all these blessings I do not deserve. He is forever faithful and His Love knows no end. I will praise you Lord! Thank you! Thank you for another year, another step closer - filled with tears, laughter, joy, sadness, love, trials, peace, and an opportunity to take advantage of my position "in Christ." 

Read this! June 15 - Take up your Cross, and Follow Me

Please pray for me and let me know if I can pray for you in any way. I am hosting a Set Apart Girl Conference simulcast here in Virginia this next week. Please pray that it would be a blessing to everyone who attends that that those who need to hear a particular message would be there to hear it and let Jesus do the rest!